When I launched ahelms.com I did not realize that posting my résumé would result in the receipt of copious emails from recruiters looking to fill “very urgent” and “critical” positions for “well-respected”, “Fortune 5/10/50/100” companies.
I am not a big fan of recruiters…and not just because they abuse exclamation points!!! One small part of why my dislike of recruiters is growing is the awkward, inappropriate language they use in emails to candidates like me. A small sampling and my commentary is below.
- Hope you are doing in the best of the mood!!
Thanks friend. If you were honest you probably really hope that I am doing in the worst of mood, desperate for a job…so desperate that I would work for an organization that would contract with your organization to fill a position.
- If the position interests you kindly revert as soon as possible with the atest resume, and expected rate.
Kindly revert? To what? infanthood? a less skilled version of myself? Also, spell check is helpful.
- Hope you are having a great time ! ! ! If you feel a perfect match for the below requirement please forward me your most updated resume with the best rate and the contact information.
I hope I am having a great time too ! ! ! The best rate is $1,000,000,000/second. Still interested?
- Our success is result of our philosophy of sharing most of bill rate with consultants so that people who make it happen get most of it.
Awesome philosophy. I think the people who make “it” happen should get most of the money. Wait. Do you mean the people who define your philosophy get the money? or the consultants? They both can’t get most of bill rate. I’m confused.
- Hope you are doing well !!! have a good position for you with my client; This point of time I don’t know whether you are looking for new job or not.But just thought if I can share the details and then confirm from you about your interest level for the opportunity.if you are interested and available consultant,send me your most updated resumes in word format and contact details.
The punctuation! capitilization; and spacing are so weird !!! can’t take serious
- I hope you had a good holiday season. Now back to work.
Who are you to tell me to get back to work? You get back to work. I’m going to play some Mario Kart.