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View from the Upper Deck

The following post was written by my youngest brother Jared. He is a rising high school junior who plays soccer and tennis and aspires to be a professional comedic writer.

Yankees Suck!Last Friday evening I had the pleasure of attending the New York Yankees at the Baltimore Orioles baseball game. Always a big to-do here in Baltimore, the Yankee games are some of the few that fill Camden Yards, largely due to the thousands of Yankee fans that turn out. My parents wearing their Orange, and myself in a Yankee hat, I sat down not really caring who won, as long as my favorite player Alex Rodriguez had a good night. With 2 innings left to be played from a previous game, play started soon after we got to our seats. Immediately cheers of “Lets Go Yankees” battled with cheers of “Let’s Go O’s” or Baltimore fans simply yelling “Sucks” after “Yankees.”

As Baltimore fans yelled at Yankee fans “how about that” after about every out or hit, I wondered ‘do the concession stands really have enough alcohol to keep these idiots yelling all game? And if they run out, what will happen?’ So, as the real game started up at around 8 O’ Clock, the stands had filled, pretty close to half O’s half Yank fans, though in my section everyone had some red on their shirts from the nosebleeds caused by the low pressure in the upper {atmosphere} deck (PV = nRT, thanks Mistah Shang!).

As the Orioles came to take the lead, three hard-core Oriole fans emerged, quickly finding each other to cheer their team that hasn’t seen October for a decade. The fan closest to us we shall call Rile. He was the last one of the 3 to leave his seat to yell and cheer, probably because he was actually watching the game. But when something happened and he got Riled up, he could be heard. Fan 2 in the row in front of Rile we shall call Snape. I don’t know if this guy had grease poured on his head, but he had the shoulder length oily hair fit for the tragic Severus Snape. Fan number one, a couple rows in front of Snape we shall call Balti, short for Baltimoron. A sleeveless shirt on his back, he started the wave, the chants, the boos, and the demonstration for why men should not wear sleeveless shirts in public. As tangled as Snape’s hair was greasy, Balti’s armpit jungle, better than Mr. MC Hammer himself, said to deodorant, “Can’t touch this.” And I seriously doubt whether Right (or even Left) Guard, had touched him. So Rile, Snape, and Balti took the lead of Baltimore cheering. Put through years of sub-par teams and embarrassment, these guys wanted one night to be on top to beat those Yankees who always make the playoffs! Always spend the money! Always win the division! And currently sit…around 8 games back. No matter, our 3 fans were going to put everything into this game and get the win that will make this losing season way better than last year’s, or the year before.

Midway into the game, our antagonist made his appearance in this thrilling tale. As a ‘Yankees Suck’ cheer sprang up in the section to our right (to the left was a half mile drop off into Baltimore, though, honestly, falling off the upper deck would terrify me far less than being in Baltimore after dark). Getting his blood pumping, Rile stood up waving his shirt that read “Yankees Suck!” and our three fans were chanting, yelling, and encouraging everyone to join in our section. The cheer died away, but the problem just began. A member of the Orioles F.S.S. (Fat Stadium Security) approached Balti. I thought Mr. F.S.S looked familiar and, though I can’t confirm it, I believe he was Rob Farva, brother of famous Super Trooper Rod Farva. Rob Farva approached Balti, and with the authority of his brother ordering a Liter Cola, demanded “Did you start that chant?” What went down, I never heard, but in the end Rob Farva walked away to some boos, and heckling from younger fans backing up their leader.

So the game wore on, the Orioles never lost their lead, and with every Yankee out or Oriole run we were treated to a dance from Snape, some yelling from Rile, and some attempts to start the wave from Balti. The Yankee fans were forced to stay in their seats, and the Orioles emerged with the victory. When I got home after the 12 mile, one hour long trip back to my house from the stadium, I thought “Now those 3 were real fans. After years of being terrible, they’ve stuck with the Orioles. It must take true spirit and devotion for that.” Or, more likely, a good patience for the Ravens and a great liking for beer.

ahelms.com » A Required Trip to the Baltimore Museum of Art said,

August 30, 2007 @ 12:30 am

[…] post is my 16-year-old brother Jared’s second contribution.  His first, View from the Upper Deck, was a hit–at least he tells me his friends enjoyed it.   Today’s target of his […]

ahelms.com » Baltimore Sports: Football Season said,

January 17, 2008 @ 8:41 pm

[…] if you recall from my first blog post about the Orioles game that I attended, you may remember that I tried wearing a Yankees hat and ended up ‘alone and […]

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